Thats not how I planned it, its just the way she passed out
you got so mad from losing a game of beerpong that you went into another room by yourself and practiced for an hour and a half.
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
She had one of those kid princess beds. I asked how she expected to fuck on that and she just said "thats what the slide is for". I've never wanted to marry a one night stand before.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
His cat must have been laying on his dick, because now my face is covered in hives
I lost my favorite bra in his hotel room. Is it bad that that's the only reason I hope he texts me tomorrow?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
