I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
drinking out of a sandbucket again
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
Finally met a man who appreciates my beer pong skills, definitely a keeper for the weekend
We did it in the bar bathroom and the bathroom attendant sold us a condom. I love Nashville
He apologized for cumming on my leg, but not for ghosting me for 3 weeks before :(
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
dude wtf why are there forks in my wall
does "I AM MAGNETOOOO" ring any bells, because that was you for an entire hour last night
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
Randomize
