I just threw up on my dentist
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
As soon as I saw the video camera and red light on, I started rolling my eyes when he would put it in me and telling him maybe his dick was too small cause I didn't feel anything...trust me that tape is going nowhere
just threw all of the fireworks into the bonfire. thats why there are firetrucks.
This is worse that I thought. He's playing violin for me.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
full cup flip cup was not exactly the reason I wanted to tell the cops when I was sleeping on the curb
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
a guy just walked up to us....drank the rest of my beer....and said sorry for my loss before walking away.
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
Look, the fact that I didn't kick him out and rip your clothes off speaks very highly of me.
How have I seen you throw up on yourself 3 different times, yet we weren't Facebook friends until I accidentally hooked up with your ex?
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
THIS IS AN AMERICAN HORROR STORY I CAN'T FIND MY VIBRATOR ANYWHERE WHICH MEANS I LOST IT WHEN I MOVED WHICH MEANS MY POOR VIBRATOR IS OUT THERE IN THE WORLD ALL ALONE RIGHT NOW WHAT AM I GOING TO DO
We broke into a construction site had sex on a scissor lift and realized it was a church...tomorrow again??
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