these two guys are about to go shot for shot with syrup
now he is talking to a potato
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
as it turns out, there is no "i was in the pool" excuse for adderall-induced shrinkage.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
I swear to Christ if it turns out to be an intervention, i will set you on fire.
We were talking about threesomes when she went to say who she would have as her third. She did not get to finish her sentence because her bf already said my name.My sheer presence destroys relationships.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
Ever find a porn video so groundbreaking you mentally cancel all your Dick Appointments for the week?
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
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