I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
I threw up into my coffee this morning.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Her pussy was so beautiful. That's what I'LL miss the most. Not the omelets. You're the roommate, obviously our priorities on this situation are vastly different.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
there is nothing ok with the fact that that was the 4th time i peed in the same parking ramp
I had 2 bags of iv saline fuilds for brunch and the buffet at the strip club for dinner. happy easter.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
As I was balls deep, she moaned "i can't wait to see what how hot our daughter will be". Instant de-boner
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
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