I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I just found a receipt from ace where I bought 1 lrg plastic funnel, 2ft of 1" plastic tubing, and a 48" toboggan sled. Thank you cashier #552 for letting that poor life decision happen.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Hey man thanks for carrying me in and out of that frat house. There's no I in team.
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
so, give him that "thank you for fighting for my freedom bj" & he wont even remember what you said in that six min voice mail.
I feel like his penis would have a weird haircut because he does.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
So I was bartending last night and this guy w/ his gf said that he recognized me, so I asked him, "do you watch a lot of gay porn?"
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Randomize
