you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
i just realized that im half way to my goal of puking in every single toilet on our floor
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
He told me he wanted to sleep but I touched his penis and listened to his heart beat start racing. I knew sleeping was bullshit.
Use your nursing skills for good, not evil.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
I just went to add a song I had never heard before to my "high as fuck" playlist and it was already there.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Maybe whip a sausage around while you do it and pour some beer on you. Like a German white snake video
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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