Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
It was so good the neighbors even had a cigarette.
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
A man bought two 40's from me, then asked if I had duct tape. How do people over 50 know about Edward 40hands? It was very weird.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I left him on his mom's lawn after he passed out in my lap and told me my vagina smells like flowers. Couple of the year award
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
