I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Sorry about that whole "setting your deck on fire" thing.
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I think if wine wasn't a thing I'd give up on life.
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Peeing out the car window on the way home was a nice touch. In December, in Michigan, at 3am. Never seen a girl do that before. Neither had the guy in the minivan next to us.
You woke us up at 9:15 am still in your toga from last night saying "welcome to my house party...party". You had already filled up the pong cups with yaager/fireball and ordered a chicken platter... Who even delivered that that early???
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
I am naked and annoyed.
One of the worst parts about living at my parents again is trying to hide how often I'm hungover, just quietly puked in the basement bathroom while my mom got ready for work
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
Randomize
