Mental picture: Us at a bar keeping it classy shot gunning PBR's in the corner.
That was a good example of when keeping it real goes right
Sign #1 this conference will suck: Ice breaker question, how many proud virgins do we have in the room, overwhelming response. Looks like I'm not getting laid this weekend.
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
turns out making maccaroni and cheese with whipped cream instead of butter is only good when your high
I gained confidence after I found out she was a lesbian. At least that way I could flirt with her and convince her to buy me taco bell after the bar
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
my phone went off during the middle of it and he ask what i was doing. he wouldn't let my reply with "your boss". ..
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
I just compared my relationship to that double ended dong scene from Requiem. This day just took a turn.
Man, it's really obvious that I was either handcuffed or tied up last night. Either way, not something you'd want coworkers knowing.
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