think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
Couldn't see or hear that well because she hit me on the back of the head with a bat. That is my excuse. Also the gin.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Remember the thing I sent you? "Often complex problems are best solved by thinking like an animal." Hump away!
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
If someone plays phil collins i'm gonna take off my clothes
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Randomize
