the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
Worst bachelorette party. She got smashed and cried because she thinks she might have herpes from when she cheated on him. Not looking good for them.
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
I text him "Dude. Tryna get fucked here. I only have half the parts. I need your help" I'm sure my mom would be super proud of the woman I have become.
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
You really could become the cat lady we've always dreamed of.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well his attempt to make a white russian with instant coffee, gone off milk, and that weird probably illegal vodka we bought the other day isnt going well
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
it was the most awkward makeout ever. it was record breaking really
...i feel like you have a lot of those.
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