I got date raped at Sigma Chi last night!
Dude, you never made it to Chi last night. You fell into a tree and passed out.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
so if i die before i go back to school its because the thing we found in the hallway that i've been smoking out of is a crack pipe
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
He's only a little bit crosseyed.
I think this is one situation where "a little bit" doesn't mean much.
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
I sexy timed too hard and there is an ass shaped piece of a ping pong table now missing bc of it. How am I allowed to leave the house without a helmet?
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
When did i become the Rickety Cricket of my own life?
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
Randomize
