I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
If there's ever a time when I've matured to the point that I don't want to look at camera-phone-titties, go ahead and bury me in a shallow grave by the railroad tracks.
apparently I kept yelling at her that I wanted t-Rex sized lines. awesome
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Why don't you throw your vagina at it and see what happens?
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
Nothing like the judgmental looks you get in the bathroom when you still have last night's glowsticks on
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
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