If you text me again I will gut all of your stuffed animals.
Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
Listen, what he fails to understand is that the Olive Garden does not equal pussy.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
i'm not accepting baked goods from anyone for awhile. especially after the stalker pie.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
Do you know of any good hiding spots in the Atlanta area?
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
either he just commented on my nose ring or he's offering me cocaine, I honestly can't tell
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
The longer the dick, the closer to Jesus when you’re on top.
Just blew on a shot of whiskey to cool it off, like it was soup...
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