I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
let me know it goes. try not to get bit. and if you can, get someone to videotape it.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I didnt realize my nipple ring fell out until he coughed it up.
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
I'm using my ex boyfriends dog to find a guy at the park I could see fuck buddy potential in. I'm the queen of irony.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His car is rigged up like the cash cab how am i supposed to not sleep with him
You don't know commitment until you try and waterproof a non-waterproof vibrator
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
He showed up at my house drunk with a pizza and said he wanted to lazily finger me while I watched supernatural. Who was I to say no?
Randomize
