Done. Eyebrows are waxed, entire body shaved
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
he told me that my best friend was "one the most attractive people he's ever seen" and wondered why he didn't get a blow job
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
You didn't say, "No." And you stole more than half of my Snickers. You owed me that dick.
Just walked by a girl saying to her friend "honestly you coulda given me any dude and I woulda fucked him"
You should've introduced yourself
Well I'm missing half a toenail if that's any indication of my night
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
