you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
last night i found out that my 11 year old cousin used me as an example of what not to do in her D.A.R.E. speech. awesome.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
I WILL MAKE A FLYING LEAP FOR YOUR DICK WHEN I SEE YOU THROUGH THE WINDOW
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
And is it bad that I haven't talked to guys who I haven't already dated? I feel like a recycle bin.
Oh shit. My drunken car sex is on Google Earth.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
The hot streak continues..if life was NBA jams i would be "on fire" right now
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
there is partying, then there is whatever we did last night.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
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