You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
so then she threw up in his asshole
yep..that'll do it.
is it possible for your nipples to fall off? if so mine might. they hurt so bad...
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
I realized i make the same noise when i get a blow job as when i eat pizza
Hes warming up week old McDonalds french fries, putting hot sauce on them, and counting them with his shirt off.
To drunk to make oatmeal. I'm pouring it into my mouth and gargling it with beer. Ive made maple brown sugar bud light
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
wanna come over? I have movies.
sure, what movies
porn or disney, your choice
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I just paid $10 for tinder plus so that I could change my location to Rio and match with Olympic Athletes
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
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