I just got called an ass for saying no thanks to a Greenpeace solicitor. I don't want the whales to die but I do want Greenpeace to fail. Conundrum.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
Holy shit bill nye is being consulted as an expert on cnn and hes credited as the science guy. What the fuck is the world coming to?
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
i think it was just a coincidence but she literally vomited the second she saw my penis.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I'm having horrible flashbacks of being groped by Pauly Shore.
I had a sex dream about Fox Mulder, and the Royals just won the World Series. My life is complete.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
thank you for being so understanding of my weak stomach and poor self-control
Randomize
