I looked him in the face and asked if we could stop. he asked why. I said "I can't feel it.". ...I feel bad; I should have faked.
seriously who else gets carried home puking from a fucking mary kay party?
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I got woken up by a construction worker, turns out I was laying in a hallway, naked and wrapped in a matress pad. To answer your question no, I did not study for this test I got David Hasselhoff drunk
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
I feel you. We can get adjoining rooms. It'll be like Disney world, but with drugs and ivs instead of roller coasters and Mickey Mouse.
Which is way cooler
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I feel like I just did it with Buster from Arrested Development. Taking a shower. #winefail
I remember sitting in your lap naked saying I don't want to be all looks while you gently rocked me back and forth
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
I can't go to the bars anymore. She wanted to see me again and I drunkenly told her I was moving today. If she spots me I'm fucked.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize
