she fell down the flight of stairs and was fine until she saw the two broken beer bottles on the ground by her.
thats a woman
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
Can we make a pact that if we're 40 and still sluts that aren't married we can get civil unioned the fuck up and raise an asian baby as our own?
You and your vagina are hellbent on selfdestruction and bad decisions
Dude...can we put that on a tshirt? I will totally sport that shit.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
For what it's worth, I didn't think that hitting you with a crowbar as hard as I did would break your arm like that. You should drink more milk.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
got the runs at the club last night. wondering when it'll be safe to show my face again.
Randomize
