I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
Weddings at vineyards should never be allowed to happen. I'm pretty sure I drank every bottle they produced in 2008.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
look for us when you get to the club. we're the guys wearing snorkels.
Grandma just handed out bail money... it's officially christmas
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
why can't I meet attractive men at the places I like to hang out? like books a million. or the liquor store.
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
i just remember that i was on top of him and he wasnt contributing to the event much.. god i hope he wasnt asleap.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
