we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Why did you video tape me drying my boxers in the microwave?
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
I'm sorry. But when a stripper driving a Bentley tells me I have potential..... I gotta at least listen to her proposal. God did not mean for me to waste these tits on law school.
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I mean my dick does have feeling again, which is a step in the right direction
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I'll be an awkward "I've had the grooms penis in my mouth" presence and we can party our nipples off.
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Randomize
