Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
sometimes i think life is slapping me across the face and laughing, saying "ha ha! you're an adult!"
I vaguely remember taking a shit behind the shed before I started puking over the fence. No more Xanax.
please promise me that no matter what happens you will keep me away from the children
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
I forgive you, at least you vote. I found out my fuck buddy isn't even registered. I won't fuck a non respectable citizen.
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
my mom just told me I should hit it and quit apparently she does not like this new girl
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
You told me you were with a dog dressed as a taco, and it was the only one you trusted
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
He texted me "sup", so I sent him that gif of the surprised guy and apparently it offended him
Randomize