you googled " I want to buy a live ostrich". I'd say you were pretty wasted.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
you just started pointing at the light and whispering "star wars"
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
Well, I was going to ask you what happened to all my lipstick. Until I saw the giant red penis on my living room wall.
Hey man, sorry I chased you around the house with a small table.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
the beer staff turned into a beer spear way to quickly
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I made a side by side comparison of her Facebook pic and the chick on the anti meth billboards. Plus a ven diagram showing mostly shared physical attributes. I sent u the PowerPoint. You were sufficiently warned.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Drank your wedding present. Sorry
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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