please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
He kept waking up periodically throughtout the night to bit my ear and pass back out.
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
My Saturday dick is so much more impressive than my Tuesday dick.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
"YOU ALWAYS BEEN A HOE YOU ALWAYS GONE BE A HOE. THAT'S JUST THE WAY IT'S GONE BE." overheard at temple
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
Signs of a stoner: trying everything in your fridge topped with peanut butter to seek satisfaction.
Babe if there was a way to give a back rub and head at the same time that's what I would ask for my birthday, Christmas and of course right now. Please think about how and get back to me.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
She dropped the call after she told me she doesn't want to hear about how loud he can scream.
Randomize
