She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
Don't EVER smell your tampon
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Well, my eyeball is red and the rest of my eye is black. Oh the joys of drinking with u. PS- I laid in a pile of sawdust. it was ok at the time.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
Maybe next year when I'm 30 I will be over puking at lunch on Fridays. Maybe
I have no idea how but i got a hold of a blue food dye packet. And proceeded to rub it all over my tits. So yeah i'd say its safe to say i'll be known as smurfette for a while
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
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