just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
Had sex to a Lionel Richie song. I have a feeling I was conceived to it. Finally reached full circle.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
I think its awesome that i just got you to cheer for sex
Well sex is awesome. Sex deserves cheers.
Your brother slept on my deck. There was a key under the mat. Relapse party success.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Randomize