I thought this kinda shit only happens to ugly people
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I would makeout with my roommate, but im not drunk enough and she doesnt like bacon fat
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dont really know what happened near the end, Pockets were filled with skittles though
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
He's hot, you can get laid, and you may get free drugs. It's the trifecta of banging a drug dealer
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
Considering we almost incited a riot on behalf of LGBT rights I have to say that was the best time for our moral compass to turn south.
I dont pretend to understand how the heterosexual mind works. Its a mysterious cavern of stupidity and disgusting sexual acts.
Randomize
