So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
my quiz for the book was only 2 questions and my one answer was sorry and then a sad face
Remind me to tell you the "if you give a mouse a special brownie" story when you get back
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Brian got his first ever blow job last night. We should make him a scrapbook.
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
Is it unethical to trim my bush hair with the scissors from my office?
I just sang beautiful by Christina Aguilera to a kebab. This is what my life has come to.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
Randomize
