you only like me because i go down faster than a bridge in minnesota
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
So I just learned that my father was teaching me rules for drinking games when I was 5.
I have not carelessly put myself in herpes way since I got a clean bill of health tyvm.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
Three questions... How drunk were you? How long until we can make fun of you for this? Do you even really need a spleen?
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
Can't talk right now. I'm doing tequila shots with my professor at some Mexican bar. That's how I prepare for finals.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
My vagina has made plenty life decisions and I would like to point out very few if not any of them were in my favor.
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
oh he pulled my dick out. wanna come over after he leaves
GET OFF YOUR PHONE
also. when i get a car, the amount of space there is for sex WILL be a huge deciding factor.
Randomize
