You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Now that I've lowered my makeout age to 21 I have a whole new sea to fish in.
On the one year anniversary of me loosing my virginity... thousands of people will be taking their pants of on subways all around the world
It's like a tribute to you being a slut
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
you know, i'm always afraid you're going to think i only want you for sex because i only text you when i'm horny
speaking of, guess what i'm thinking about
i may or may not be making depth charges with cough syrup. i'll call you if i survive.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
How many of my Tinder dates can my Christian roommate accidentally meet in the hallway at 3am before she's horrified and moves out?
Nice classy night out before we roll our faces off
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