I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
You were so high at Ikea last night that you were convinced you could speak Swedish. The whole the time you were our navigator and when we got to the cashier you were hitting on the lady. When she gave you her number you told her you were saving her number as Inglfurfta cuaue she must be swedish since she works there.
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
This morning is cloudy with a high chance of vomiting all over the dentist. Stay tuned for further updates.
I smell like I just crawled out of a bottle of champagne and landed on the floor of taco bueno.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
There's puke on my pillow. I'm still wearing my wedges. And I have a cab drivers number clutched in my fist.
He pointed at some girls and said "I'm gonna have sex with them girls over there", and disappeared.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Well, he hasn't actually seen me naked. Just my boobs... and the left side of my vagina.
That's why we have robots to masturbate for us
Help. Why am I so naked?
Randomize
