So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
You NEED to get fingered by a violinist. He used his left hand and make me cum, he's RIGHT handed.
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
I walked over and you were apologizing to him because you're lady gaga and he's not. The best part was that he forgave you.
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
