a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
After Sake bombs he tried to puke into an alluminum beer bottle and shot vomit streaks in a perfect V out the sides of his mouth and hit BOTH girls he had bought drinks for that night. He was like an Icon of Cock-blocking yourself.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I faked an orgasm during phone sex last night. This relationship is starting to become real.
No joke, I just found $85 on the ground. Must be because I bought you all that liquor. So much good karma.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Let's make an agreement. No drugs until you finish all your homework. I'm hiding them as we speak.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
She told me I’m a “stunt cock.” I’m okay with that
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
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