They were so loud I wrote them a sex critique and taped it to his door.
U just looked at me and said "wake me up when I'm done eating"
Turns out getting tied up to two door handles and forced to repeatedly cum is actually a really good ab workout.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
Dude.. full face helmets and hangovers do not mix... I am never going to get rid of the smell of puke.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I would eat the Denny's grand slam special out of my new probation officers b hole
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
