I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
She literally got down on all fours and I swear did a 360 degrees head rotation exorcist barf...and then moaned IT WAS THE TACO BEEEELLLLLL
so no, not her best night
I LOVE DRINKING BOOZE OUT OF A FUCKING LAMP
when I type Christina's, my phone's predictive text assumes my next word is boobage
I brought a travel sized bottle of baby powder and sprinkled it on all of the couples making out on the wall in the basement
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I'm so upset I left my sombrero at the expo center
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I was simply suggesting that you really should try coke bondage sex.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
