Tell him ill love him long time
I'll assure him of it
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
I get credit on the assist, you can thank me by taking a pic of her ass under the covers and sending it to me. It would make my YEAR
I HAVE A PRESENT FOR YOU AND ITS NOT MY VAGINA
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
He insists on falling asleep with his penis between my buttcheeks. He says its his "home".
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
We had sex and then stood naked in his living room eating zucchini bread.
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
besides the unzipped fly, the black eye and the toilet paper on your shoe you looked really sexy today baby!
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
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