The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
We should never set our expectations higher than pizza bagels cause then our night is bound to get better
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Our penis' have led to more networking than mark zuckerberg.
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
I mean, I was expecting a little more coke snorting and a little less kids and cake
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
i let a mormon finger me. i don't ever want to be that drunk again.
Randomize
