Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
You were so drunk last night you typed www.face.come/cheese.com as if you were logging into facebook.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
My parents foreign exchange student just walked in on me whacking off. Welcome to America :)
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
the cashier ate half of our fries before she gave them to us so i think it's safe to say they don't do drug testing there
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
facebook is just a cold reminder of all the times other bitches won my hookups
It was bitter sweet because I woke him up with sex but then I peed in his bed with him in it
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
Randomize
