i would rim the shit out of meg ryan
I'm at a crab and wine festival with my dad. He just introduced me as his girlfriend to all of his co-workers. I am so drunk I thought he was serious.
he puked in his toast at dennys. after snoopdogg high fived him. couldn't be prouder to be his bro in law.
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
I ate the snowman's head. That is not a drug euphemism.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
Oh it's tea and biscuits for everyone. An possibly pink eye
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
He also wore a doorag last night so i had to swipe left.
U sent me lyrics to wind beneath my wings
My liver misses your liver
I am in no place to make rational decisions, but right now i want you inside me
Randomize
