Bike broken, reschedule party till thursday:(
dude do u know what u did last night?
do i wanna know???
you totally walked in on some couple fuckin in their unlocked dorm room asking for directions to ur room...
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I didnt pay $190 for a fake with a new middle name of Vane..
you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
Randomize
