Where are you?
In a non slutty way
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Well he's not exactly single.. It's like an open relationship his wife doesn't know about
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
Go christen that room with your naked body.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I never truly understood the phrase ball is life until I started having to balance NBA finals and all these men with balls i'd like to handle.
I have serious attachment issues. I just realized how long its been since ive smoked out of my bong and I feel guilty for dis owning it this week
Randomize
