She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
Haha im Trying. This detox stuff tastes nasty. It's bad when the only thing that came to mind when i took the first sip was how good it would be with Vodka
there's a wings menu taped to my wall. don't tell me i don't have my priorities straight.
He was on Keeping Up with the Kardashians it was like a deed from god to bang him
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
you kept going on about how you couldnt haven been the one throwing up because you were peeing in circles.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I puked in my fridge last night while I was trying to get water
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Well I just walked into a wedding reception and im currently eating a cannoli in the men's room while pissing
Last night he told me I was never sexier than when I was cutting pizza. Seriously. Like, he's perfect.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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