yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Thats two for two birthdays where I've gotten the "alcoholism runs in the family" speech
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
You kept making up "snapple facts" every time you opened a beer.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I woke up to a text that said, "I can see you but can't get in." It was the pizza delivery guy who saw me passed out drunk on the floor through the front door.
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
your vagina must have magic restorative powers I feel rested and powerful this morning.
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
The whole time you were apparently enduring your pukescapades, I was singing very loudly in the car to Beyonce on my way to get a post-coitus Diet Coke.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
