yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
Turns out they use me as an example of What Not To Do at freshman orientation. My little brother told me.
It's been a long time since I felt this bad on a Monday... and for that, I thank you.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
