A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
Dude before you bang that chick preheat the oven to 425 I wanna make a pizza for afties
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
I can feel your movements against the shared wall we are leaning up against. It makes me feel as though we are one. Queue Pocahontas song...
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
But we only had three ninja turtles. So everyone that would ask us where Donatello was, we would say "what? He's gone? Shredder is at it again!"
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
My horoscope should say: you're an alcoholic, get help today, Pisces
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