all i wanna do is slam about 38 beers eat a whole pizza and wake up naked in the taco bell parking lot
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
Matt is in the hospital again. the night nurse text me asking not to bring the boombox again. is it sad or awesome that they are starting to know us?
Congrats on having the best tasting nipple at the bar last night.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He was twisted. Literally. It's like God took his dick with a pair of pliers and gave it a half twist to the left.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
You know the cave of wonders in Aladdin? That's how I feel about his apartment. Except with blow and other treasures.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I already tell everyone in my office my bf is at the Naval academy. It slipped one time and I can't go back on it now
Randomize
