Let's just cut to the chase. I'm not interested in anything romantic but I aAM interested in Tom Petty and maybe getting high and fucking you again for old times sake.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
Breathalizer & tazer party did not go as casually as expected.
i think smoking weed in a ladies bathroom on the beach with two dudes might be the shadiest thing ive done in a while
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
You have better ratings than Crest. Only 4/5 dentists recommend it. You have 8/9 recommendation for your blowjob skills.
I just want to have sex and eat dumplings. Is that so much to ask?
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
