we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
His mom always writes on my facebook right after we have sex. it's like she knows. with her scary mom psychic powers
I believe I convinced two girls to makeout for freedom last night Hahaha
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
I puked into my skirt and then had to carry it to the bathroom and dump it out, Lmfao and it was like 2pm
Went as "Party on, Wayne." And left as, "Partied out Wayne in a foot boot with new medical bills." Fuck Halloween...and vodka.
I'm still here... I feel so bad wearing your mom's cardigan at a strip club 🙈
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
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