hot pretzels for dinner, snacks, and now breakfast...oh to be a poor college student...everyday is like a carnival.
She just used a chaser for red wine.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
you pissed in the sink and didnt realize it until it was time to wash your hands
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
dude you need a shock collar for some of the things you say when you're drunk.
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
Just so you know, if I get bored tomorrow I WILL pretend to get drunk in the bathroom and crash the whole thing
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I'm literally beginning to think that my sex dreams are prophesies
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
I don't actually like you. I just want to hook up with you.
I'm fine with that
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