just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
We were all definitely blackout with drunk goggles on, even though you and Amanda were the only ones dressed up as it.
I feel like I ran a fucking marathon on my knees last night and there are bruises to prove it.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Dude I'm at a bar, and there's this Elvis impersonator here that I went to rehab with. Apparently Elvis has left the wagon.
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
fyi my negative pregnancy test is taped to the fridge...i'll take it over an A+ any day. be proud.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
Randomize
