i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
she sent me a picture of dilf asleep in bed with the caption "what happened last night?"
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Well I may have gotten laid but I over drafted buying pizza so I think that negates everything
he told me he didn't like my name so he was going to call me Casey instead
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
So was it everything you dreamed it would be
I puked.
Twice.
So is that a yes?
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
Randomize
