When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
And also ice skating can blow me. Goodnight, love you!
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
dude i told her that I loved her...and she said, " go fuck yourself"
Randomize
