somebody snuck up and got me drunk
just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
Dude, she sent me a nude of her posing in the mirror and her dad was in the reflection
I want to be your penis for a week.
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I successfully navigated a full, lengthy interaction with my dad in which he never asked me if I was freshly baked. 10 points.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
He's tiny, but ripped. Like a stacked hobbit. He's going to pull our sexy, crime-fighting rickshaw.
Randomize
