Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
well let's see. after you forcefully shoved a half-eaten apple in my mouth, you ruined the pepsi by dumping an entire beer in there.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
I deflowered you on valentines day. I AM THE BEST AT ROMANCE. LOVE ME.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
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