I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
Would it be considered cannibalistic if I wanted to eat off his bacon tattoo?
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
Randomize