Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
even my farts smell like vagina
He finally admitted that he was drunk when I asked him how he got the rug burn on his chin and he replied "the worm contest"
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
I'm really glad that we can be casual hook up buddies. This is a true friendship. Now, please convince your roommate to do the same. Thanks.
If I could go one week without being called a maneater or a spanish trolip that would be great.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Remember how I made that resolution to remain celibate for 6 months? Well, I just broke that
You literally made that 4 hours ago...
the gnome is staring at me and the pineapple is wearing shorts. I don't want to do this anymore.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
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