I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
I just had sex in a moon bounce. It is all down hill from here.
I'm thinking of writing "I have herpes" on my stomach in sharpie that way I'm not tempted to show my tits tonight
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
Im only slightly posetive that left over guacamole and wine are unacceptable for breakfast at 6.30 am
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
I guess I really am the only person in this world who can successfully have a no-strings-attached threesome on the beach.
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
Drunk assassins creed leads to explaining to my father that "it was only a steak knife in the arm"
We spent 45 minutes searching the crevices of our friend's car with a pair of tweezers trying to find the acid that we dropped
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
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