Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
I dont think problem is the right word. Problems arent something you enjoy. Life would be too boring without gambling.
A female Wisconsin fan just headbutted the bouncer. Im deeply terrified and oddly aroused at the same time.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
It didn't go so well. He got drunk and asked my dad if 'front or back' virginity mattered more.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
She was kinda cute. So long as you don't mind neck tattoos and bad life choices.
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
I'm sorry but I require more work than your hamster. I need food, a minimum of 5 pillows, and I need to be played with daily.
do you remember in the middle of fleeing from the cops you stopped in the middle of the road to make out with quail man?
i woke up with 5 inch heels locked on my feet and my car keys missing. this is gonna be an interesting walk home
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
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