I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
just gave a yankee's fan wrong directions to Fenway....welcome to boston asshole
Fastest blow job ever. Though it was probably a good thing since we were in front of my house.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I never thought that it would get to the point where I would have to specify that by "hang out" I meant "fuck like rabbits." Growing up shouldn't be this way.
The thing i'm gunna miss the most about college is peeing while brushing my teeth in the shower without being judged. You just can't do that anywhere else
He actually has his life put together though, during the date we walked by a shoppers drugmart where my friend and I once flashed a janitor and all I could wonder was how does he not see shit show written all over me?
I guess? According to Jeff his mom is wondering when the grand babies will arrive. So I don't think they like ME so much as my supposed functioning uterus
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
is it too much for me to say that i have a ziplock bag with ice in it in my underwear?
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
how drunk are you?
Several
Randomize
