new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
Well, you know sobriety isn't something I like to do on the reg.
We were tripping too hard to figure out to tell him where we were so we sent a picture of me laying outside the tent saying "find us"
Plus, it's just valuable. Virgin pee is very well-priced.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
I need to wash the frat house off of me
I have this theory that your highest awareness of how drunk you are is while you're sitting on a toilet
Do you think this 2 hour Amazon delivery thing works on vibrators? Cause that would be clutch
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
I mean, if I asked you, would you cum on cotton candy for me?
Turns out that fresh outta jail dick is quite something.
I just had mom give me advice about how and where to store my lube in my shower. It was super awkward. Of course, she also walked in on me masturbating once so I guess turnabout is fair play
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