Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
well yea, now i know i won't get hair in my teeth...
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
I'm talking like I woke up and her bra was spinning around caught on my ceiling fan
Her bed looked like it had just hosted a water balloon fight. It was that good.
I have just two goals for this NYE. 1) get so drunk that every guy looks like Clive Owen 2) make out with as many Clive's as possible.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
How drunk is too drunk to be on an airplane?
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
Apparently I gave a guy a hand job on the dance floor. ON THE DANCE FLOOR.
Randomize
