Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
everyday i am more and more thankful i can still check the no box for "have you ever been convicted of a felony?" on applications
I probably wouldn't hook up with him if I had to deal with more than his penis. i think cumulatively we are up to a minute of actual conversation this week.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
i sound like a 75 year old homeless man that has spent all his panhandling money on cigarettes since he was 12. that rough.
we couldn't find any funnels so we taped a spaghetti strainer to a pool noodle and it worked fairly well
i stole nothing, broke nothing, and stabbed nothing. aren't you proud of me?
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
I just want nice things and good sex
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
Real life skills section of my resume: blow jobs, food knowledge trivia, sarcasm, mascaera application, sexting, tolerance of rail liquors
Randomize
