DUUUDE!! just found out that the fbi has a kids page. guess who's got a new jumior officer printout badge?
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
totally worth getting kicked out for trying to throw my drink on lindsay lohans ankle bracelet.
If anyone from work finds out about us I will rip your dick off, sew it to your forehead and feed your balls to you like little grapes
I forgot to tell you about my 7:30am Sunday morning run to the local convenience store to buy condoms, a du-rag and a shot glass
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
i was completely deserted.. so i stood outside starbucks for 20 minutes trying to convince the employees to open early and take care of me.. fuck you guys
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
returning from a 6am booty call in 2 feet of snow on a Tuesday is a bold new kind of low for me
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
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