He still wants to giggity, regardless of his girlfriend. So...I guess I'm happy again.
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
He was too drunk, and my mother and I ended up babysitting him. He told her I have amazing mouth skills, and that I love the "chorizo" he feeds me. All she said was "And on the list of 30 things you never want to hear about your daughter..." while gripping the steering wheel.Please just fucking kill me now.
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
All three of the bartenders here have screwed my boss, so he's definitely gay. Unfortunately for you he seems to have a type and you're not it.
Randomize
