ID DO HER
SHE HAS LUMPS OF DEODORANT IN HER ARMPIT, I THINK ONE FELL IN YOUR DRINK
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
You know how most people would take your keys when they don't want you to leave a party? Those 2 girls aren't most people. They took my pants instead.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
we panicked because we couldn't find you anywhere, but then we found you tripping in the bathtub with Marie's cat. there was no water. you thought there was water, though.
I can't believe he's mad at you for not remembering your fake anniversary.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Woke up with a lip tattoo that says "fake news" in case you're wondering about my wellbeing
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
Randomize
