one two three fourrrrnication!
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
I don't know who he was, where he came from, or where he went, but he just handed me a bowl of mac and cheese and left. It was good too.
Then we all started singing, "Our house, in the middle of the street. Our house, fucks a lot of freshman meat". It was magical.
Its 6:30 and I'm shotguning a busch ice while taking a shit. Outlook for work today: interesting
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
well after pounding on the ceiling for 5 mins i just went up there to tell them to shut up.. 2 hours later i'm naked, high, lying on their kitchen floor. it escalated so quickly
Well don't pass out under a Swedish flag and people won't make assumptions
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
i love it when bitches who pick on you in high school get fat. thank you facebook you have made my day.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I'm drunk and in a paddle boat and my friend won't quit yelling about pandas. Does this ever happen to you?
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