she says her boyfriend and her dignity are both out of town tonight
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
Regret, thy taste is box wine.
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
I told the person I was on the phone with to hold on while I looked for my phone. I think it's time to stop doing dabs.
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
please come back. it's turned into strip rock paper scissors
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
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