Oh man dude like 1000 to 1500 milligrams. Its gonna burn like bad though.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
Last night was the first night with all of the roommates, and what started as a calm night of light drinking got out of hand. There's a girl on my couch wearing only a fanny pack.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
My bra is still on the porch...I'm leaving it as a reminder to get my shit together.
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
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