careful when you do the walk of shame, they are handing out bibles on campus
i just went through and liked all 1,239 of her pictures instead of writing my english paper. don't tell her, i want her to be surprised
You do realize that we bought beer at 9:30 in the morning to avoid sobering up. Stupidity was bound to follow.
I just watched a guy pee from a second floor window onto the line of 100 people waiting to get in.
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
mary just dropped the yahtzee dice in her wine. and shes throwin em like shes on a craps table.
hahahaha slap the bag.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I wrote a list of things I enjoy doing. So far it says "get high and go to museums."
I don't want the fire department to come out here twice in one weekend because of your god damn vape.
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
So you think Jesus would be proud of me for walking of shame into my apartment 10 minutes before I told my parents I'd be over for Easter?
I guess it's part of life. Sometimes your ex boyfriend becomes a drag queen.
Randomize
