I am at The Loft in SoNo, and there are two girls within arms reach that are making out with each other AGGRESIVELY. Like I can see 100% of a boob
For future reference, this is Trevors little sisters phone now. Trevs number is 484 XXX XXXX. Great story tho
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
Call me when you get off. I have stories about black lesbians in jail begging to braid my hair...
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Woke up this morning naked, wrapped in a bath mat with a wad of singles on the table. I'm calling it a win.
I found her face down on the kitchen floor asking anybody who walked by for Kraft Dinner
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
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