Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
Spent the entire ride home from downtown trying to convince designated dawgs to drop us off at waffle house instead of our apartment. i told them it was my house...they didn't buy it.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
Doing laundry, just found a knob off your stove in my pants pocket. I don't know.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
You. Dating a sex offender cop. Life writes itself sometimes.
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I mean it was fine and all but I just don't understand why a man would need all that Simon Cowell paraphanelia
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Not going to make it tonight. Some cougar at the bar just told me she has dibs on my dick.
Randomize
