So she stayed over last night and slept walked in to my moms room where she used the bathroom and then proceeded to get in bed with my moms naked boyfriend. So yeah, at least now my family got to meet her.
oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
i might have gotten away with it if "don't tase me bro!" wasn't the first thing i said when i rolled down my window.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
You should probably wake up already as I have yet another story for you. Teaser? Blood from knife wound. Tequila. Guitar hero. Kitchen counter. Lawyer.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
he let me wear his jacket and there was a magnum and a bowl in his pocket ... I think im in love
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
I was riding her and she yelled "fuck me" then someone in the room next door yelled "you don't have to say it if youre doing it."
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No one likes wet exercise unless it's vigorous sex in the shower
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
The worst part is there are all kinds of happy creatures out here like fucking snow white and i'm sitting in semi-dead grass, hungover with a burnt butt
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
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