I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
I'm going to start telling people I'm a sophomore so they stop asking me about college and what I want to do with my life
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
I bet yours is gonna be filled with secret innuendo.
secret innuendo and cervical punches to the world.
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
Where are you and why are you fighting with a bird?
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
