Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
you dont remember trying to break dance in the middle of the casino floor on ur own throw up?
oh that explains alot.
and he thought i came like four times in 2 mins. my leg just kept cramping up
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I'll be honest, not actually surprised to find half a Big Mac box and bits of broken security glass by the sofa.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
You're either a hooker or Beyonce. Beyonce is abnormally good at doing everything in heels
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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