My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
That haircut screams I'm 35 but I still eat pussy.
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
I'll just tell your children you were the queen of drunk town and you had a giant purple monkey named bongo
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
When dealing with embarassing medical issues, don't you want your brother's wife to be the one fishing around up your ass?
Drunk you wants to be petty, not you you.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
